What happened at Valentines Day Massacre last week/last night? All that I can remember is that a giant guy (that seemingly appeared out of thick air) helped Stone Cold win his all expenses trip to Wrestlemania on accident. OOPS!Nice suit Shawn. I guess the Patrick Bateman look is in.
Or at least she seems to think so.
I guess Wrestlemania is coming up soon? I thought that it was an end of the year thing but everyone (fucking everyone) keeps saying “well we’re on the road to Wrestlemania!” and no one is as excited as these two
Can Vince really be surprised that Stone Cold refused to apologize to him? I doubt that he’s so naive.
Everyone looks so nice tonight!
I love that The Rock was so into Ringu back in ’99, I guess it’s obvious now that he’s a total movie buff (and a buff movie buff at that) but I never would of guessed that he’d be into Japanese horror cinema as much as he is. “I’ve had roles you’ll never have”? Dinner Rolls maybe. YA BURNT
I cannot handle one more match between The Rock and Mankind. Maybe a ladder match will somehow be less insufferable than a never ending story match like the last few that they’ve had. And hasn’t the rug been pulled out from under the concept of guest referees? Everything points toward the guest referee obviously favoring whomever his boss put there for him to favor but things usually end going awry in one form or fashion and then everyone makes that “SAY WHAAAT?” face. I’m of course ranting because Paul White/The Big Show/The Giant will be guest refereeing the Heavyweight Championship match between Stone Cold and either Falcor or Atreyu, whichever wins the ladder match tonight.
While tonight’s show will end with a ladder match it’s going to begin with a lady match. Or half a lady match I guess. And when Debra breaks her 9000th Austin acoustic guitar over NotDebra the stadium in Birmingham, Alabama erupts like they’ve never seen a woman with too much plastic surgery hit another, nearly identical woman with a guitar. Get with the program Alabama!
What could DX need to tell everyone? Yes yes yes I’m sure that we all need to suck it but who are we challenging? Are they really going to keep trying to wrestle Chyna? Is Triple H really going to let X-Pac speak on mic? It seems that HHH and X-Pac shall be partaking in a an olde fashioned tagged teame match against young master McMahon and Kane for the European Championship. Oh dear me, the European Championship? I do hope that a suitable champion will take on such a title and not a ruffian like X-Pac. Perhaps someone with an ivy league education, as long as he’s a Cambridge man.
For the time being we’ll have to put up with the unfortunately named “Rated X Match” for the Intercontinental Championship between Val Venis and Mr. Ass. That is of course if Mr. Ass doesn’t explode like a water balloon full of ejaculate when he sees that sexxxy dance.
The WWF looOOoOOooOOoOOooOoOoves knocking women in evening dresses off of the apron of the ring. If someone that makes gifs could email me at firstname.lastname@example.org I would give you a hearty thanks for making a gif for me. Oh booooooo and to add insult to injury Val Venis just broke up with Ryan. What a grade a chump. Amirite ladiez?
Guys, I hate to do this to you but I’ve got some terrible news.
OH yeah that’s right, The Minions abducted The Big Bossman, Michael insists that he later escaped but I bet he was sacrificed on the alter of boredom. Paul Bearer looks marvelous.
So basically The Undertaker is trying to buy stock in the WWF or he already owns some stock and is trying to purchase the lions share, presumably in order to make a few changes that he’d like to see (purple and black skybox seats – or skybox seats that are shaped like coffins that are actually underground to give the feeling of being buried in luxury).
Hey Big Bossman! You’re super boring! And you’re having a six man tag team challenge! Wake me up when Sepsixmantagteammatchtember ends.
Could someone re edit Kane’s intro footage to something by Waka Flaka? Preferably something where he says fire. Triple H should try actually swallowing the water he drinks rather than spitting it out the moment he takes a swig. In all honestly this is probably the best match that I’ve seen so far; the combination of X-Pac’s jumping around like a tween spazzed out on kool-aid and Kane’s love of choke slamming has made for some really cool high flying moments. As far as I know no one has ever been thrown through ropes from a 2 count while trying to pin someone. Shane is now the European champion because Chyna secreted him the belt and he hit X-Pac in the face with it, thus knocking him unconscious (duh). Personally I prefer Shane (or any member of the corporate team) being the whatever champion because I’d rather root for the underdog any day than saying “Oh I hope Goldust retains the Intercontinental Championship”. Something I am want to say.
Has anyone ever actually been knocked out by being hit with a championship belt?Or do you think that there was a board meeting where Vince McMahon said “GUYS! Shut up about the catering! Yes I know that Quidobe is great and I didn’t know that they catered either but gold is heavy and I think it could knock you out if you were hit in the head with it!”
When Sable comes down to the ring to tell the audience that people are knocking down her door it’s one of the few times when having knowledge of the future is depressing. Other than every time when that knowledge exists I guess. When Sable’s “stalker” storms the stage she’s arrested and told that she can never be like [Sable]. I assume this means because she doesn’t have aggressive side boob.
OH NO! The Ministry kidnapped Shane McMahon. NOT THE EUROPEAN CHAMPION!
“I should carve your heart out right here, but I would be arrested on the spot.” – The Undertaker
What an underwhelming ending to a six man tag team match, The Undertaker just asked Shane to pass along a note to his dad.
Man Kind VS The Rock part seventeen. Who will bore their way to Wrestlemania? It’s totally The Rock but I like Man Kind. Stone Cold is guest announcing this show and he’s Simon Cowelling before Simon Cowell was even a glimmer in televisions eye (I guess?). I haven’t watched much of his post WWF reality television career but he should think about getting a job on The X-Factor. How smashing would it be if he gave a Stone Cold Stunner to Brooke Burke? With the assistance of Paul White The Rock is the new Heavyweight Champion and will be facing Stone Cold at Wrestlemania. I wish that the writers weren’t trying to make Paul White such a big deal (Pun Inmotherfuckingtended!) because he’s just tall and for the time being he has long hair. He probably went to a lot of Type-O-Negative shows around the time of this taping. I’ve got to move my things across town. Hopefully next week One Year Of Wrestling will be coming to you from space.